Lost

I prefer silence, the reason why I have given up weaving words. But the more I succumb to silence, the more my thoughts are running wild like a million wild horses running without clear directions.

There is no way my mind is at peace right now. I am nearly blinded by these hazy thoughts that bombard me each minute. I am trying to absorb everything even if I could not understand what these thoughts are and their significance to begin with. I keep breathing but I am dying inside. My heart keeps pumping but it has no life. I see things that surround me but everything is just a blur. I hear happy voices around me but those are just incomprehensible murmurs. Things are staying rational but those are the very things I could not understand and grasp. I keep walking and walking but like those wild horses, I have no clear directions at all.

I feel like floating sometimes which is making me wish I could turn into a ghoul so no one will notice me. I want to be numb already but I know I still have to feel the pain first before  I could achieve such numbness. I feel okay — that’s what I always say but who could ever be fooled with my ghost-like appearance?

I wish I could fly somewhere far. I do not wish to stay here. I prefer silence but I prefer to be buried in the deepest ocean the most. I want out. Please take me out. I am dying here…